Focus On The Best Things In Life

It is so easy to focus on the negative things in our life. Sometimes it's almost like the negatives have hijacked all of our thoughts and conversations. They interrupt our sleep, affect our eating habits, have a negative effect on our relationships and blind us to the good all around us. Things like anger, worry, hatred, fear, frustration, grudges and unforgiveness make our lives a blur of pain, like a camera out of focus. At it's worst, this wrong focus can lead to alcoholism, drug abuse, heart trouble, ulcers, migraines, joint pain, depression, various mental illneses, autoimmune problems, slow healing and many more things. (These things can also be caused by other things, but being negative does not improve the conditions and sometimes being positive does make it a little better)

We cannot change others most of the time. We cannot change many circumstances in life. What we can change is where we focus and how we look at things. We can change our daily behaviors.

Not too long ago, I was feeling very tired, so tired my body ached. It seemed like everything I heard or saw was negative. Logically, I knew it was not all that bad, but negativity and all the problems were taking over. I'd been hijacked by them. I decided I needed to withdraw and rest, but more than that, I needed to refocus deliberately and persistently. (Negativity doesn't go away without a fight. It holds on like crazy glue.)

Rest is good. We know that Jesus withdrew to a solitary place to rest. The Lord commands that we rest one day a week. Jesus says to come until him when we are weary and heavy laden and he will give us rest. Elijah was terribly afraid and exhausted and discouraged in 1 Kings 19:3-9 and the Lord provided sleep and food. We need rest and God wants us to have it. Being outdoors in nature has a calming and resting effect on our souls.

Years ago a family member was battling severe depression. Whenever he went anywhere, he would come back and tell me the bad parts, "the thing that went wrong was...", "the only bad part was...", "I didn't like the..." etc. It didn't seem right since he had had a good time normally until he retold about it. I've met lots of other people also who have to tell only the negavatives of any event.

I asked this young relative to do me a favor, tell me his favorite parts and what he like best. When he went somewhere I would remind him before he went to tell me what he liked best when he got back. He resisted and it was very hard for him, but when he succeeded, his mood was better.

Sometimes I find myself doing the same thing and choose to focus on the wrong things. Every event and most other things in our life have a positive and negative side. Since we cannot focus on more than one at a time, we do best if we focus on the positives.

I like to write things down when they happen. It helps me to remember. I also like to say things out loud. What my ears hear my mouth say, my subconscious takes to heart and there is a physiological response that is at least minimally positive. Sometimes I have to say things over and over, but if I am telling myself the truth, my body does respond with a sense of well being. That's a lot nicer than pain and anxiety.

Here are some examples of what I like to remind myself out loud.
I love living in this town. Then I remind myself why. I name my favorite restaurants, stores, recreational areas, scenery, people, church activities, community events, how people help one another and so on.
I love my cats. They give me unconditional love. They do funny things that make me laugh. They are soft and beautiful. I love to hear them purr. They greet me at the door. I am the most important person in their life.
I love going to coffee shops and drinking coffee and reading a good book or talking to family and friends. I remind myself how nice it is to sit out on their patios in good weather and what a luxury that is. Leisure is a luxury. Good coffee is a luxury. The decor of the coffee shops is pleasing. The background music is very enjoyable. The people who work there are friendly and take good care of me. The richest people in the world don't have it any better than that.
I love going to the university campus where I graduated. I love the landscaping and watching the little squirrels, rabbits and birds that are not afraid of getting close to people. I love the youth and energy of the students and the dedication and caring of their professors. I love the community events, the sports events, the music and the free lectures. I love the atmosphere. There are always friendly people. I love getting to know students from other countries and learning new things.
There are many more things, like flowers, quilts, good food, hugs, prayer times, etc. but these are a few.

I keep journals, online and in a bound journal. It helps to try to remember and write down every good thing that happens to me in a day. If I'm grumpy, it can be harder, but I can always come up with at least 5 things. Sometimes it comes down to things like my quilt is still beautiful, the cat still loves me, my car did not break down and I had all the coffee i wanted to drink that day. Here's a possible format for recounting our blessings every day from Phil. 4:8-9
1. whatever is true- (what was true or faithful today?)
2. whatever is noble- (was anybody anywhere noble?)
3. whatever is right- (what happened that was right?)
4. whatever is pure- (who or what was pure?)
5. whatever is lovely- ( this is easy, there's always something lovely)
6. whatever is admirable- ( someone we know or see or hear about, even on the news- those who strive for excellence, who are selfless, who do great things are everywhere as well as those who overcome obstacles or who do not give up- toddlers, kids dogs, cats and adults all do admirable things- it doesn't have to be big)
7. if there is anything that is excellent (service, good food, art, the weather, etc)
8. or praiseworthy (don't be stingy with your praise, many deserve it)
Think about such things.....and the God of peace will be with you.

We need to be our own best friend. We need to give ourselves small treats every day. We need to do things we enjoy. We need to take care of our bodies and our health. Scripture says we must love our neighbor as ourself. That means we have to love ourselves also. To give continuously to others with out looking out for ourselves is like using a battery without ever recharging it. Pretty soon there is nothing left to give. If those people you are giving everything up for happen to be users, when you are all used up they will throw you away and seek someone else to use. Take care of yourself. If you do not you are hurting somebody the Lord loves (you) and it will make Him sad. If you keep your "battery charged" you have a lot more to give.